Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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