Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
