i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
