So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
