I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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