I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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