He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
