we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
