TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
