matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
