that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
