It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
