I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
