Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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