Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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