Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
