I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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