why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
