why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am midnight drunk by noon
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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