I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
