i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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