I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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