I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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