Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
