Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
