I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize