So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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