He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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