How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
