1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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