omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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