yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
