listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
