I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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