so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
