Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
