you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
