Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
