i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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