We got so high we made milksteak
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
