It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize