He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
