Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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