oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize