SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
