Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
