And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
