my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
