I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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