38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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