he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
