you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize