he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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