I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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