Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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