i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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