id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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