Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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