I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
