she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
