Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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