no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
