I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
