from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
