She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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