just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
