Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
