my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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