I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
