Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
