Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
