I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
