So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
