allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
