Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We are two peas in an std pod
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
