So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize