Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
