you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize