Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
we should paint friendship bongs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
