how hairy? two words: wookie tits
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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