Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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