"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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