you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
