biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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