I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
