you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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