Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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