You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
soo... how was my night?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
