she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
