so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
