You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
